Friday, March 30, 2012

Our Journey TTC

Has it really been 15 months since my life changed forever?
 15 months ago we were blessed with the most a.m.a.z.i.n.g little boy. 
Last night Andrew looked at me and said, "I know everyone says it but...what DID we do before we had Connor?" and I said I had absolutely no idea.
 I've wanted to be a mother since I was 4 years old. I was the type of little girl who preferred to play "house" with my Mom's old dresses and a ton of baby dolls. I couldn't wait to have a family of my own someday. My Mom said the conversation went something like this..."This'll be the deal Mom, you HAVE the baby, but once it's born it will be MY baby and I will take care of it." 

Andrew and I started dating in high school (11 years ago!). We flirted with the idea of having a baby before we were even married. I really really wanted a baby. But in the long run we realized that is not what we wanted for our child. We wanted to be married first, a family. 

So the time came...our wedding night. Literally. I waited 8 years to marry Andrew, I wasn't waiting 1 more stinking minute to have a baby. 

So, we tried. 

And tried. 

And tried. 

And nothing happened. 

Months passed with negative pregnancy test after negative test. I was starting to fear what I think every woman fears when trying to get pregnant, "What if I CAN'T get pregnant?!"  

After almost a year of nothing, we signed up for Kaiser's "Introduction to Infertility Class". D.E.P.R.E.S.S.I.N.G. But at that point I just wanted answers.  Why aren't we pregnant yet? Can we get pregnant? Are we doing something wrong? Is it him or me?

To say we were nervous for that class is an understatement. The class was a guide to what Kaiser offers, what your insurance covers, and what steps you need take in order to start the process of elimination. 

The first step was to have a semen analysis done (all the men groaned) and then I had to have blood drawn periodically throughout my next cycle to check hormone levels. While we were doing that, we had to chart, which entails the woman taking her temperature every morning before getting out of bed, when the temperature spikes, it means she ovulated.

A friend had sent me a book (Taking Charge of Your Fertility) all about charting a few months before we attended the class so I was already on my 3rd month of charting. 

So Andrew did his semen analysis, although he made ME drive it to Kaiser and drop it off at the lab. I guess dropping something like that off falls in the same category as buying tampons? MEN! Then we waited for the results. I was half hoping that they said the problem was his sperm because that meant it wasn't me. But on the other hand I was PRAYING that it was normal. 
As we waited, I was at the end of one of my cycles, which meant it was time to test. So I took a test, 3 days before my period was even due. Yes, I was one of those woman obsessed with peeing on pregnancy tests! I set the test on the counter not expecting much and started getting ready for work. As I was brushing my teeth, I saw it out of the corner of my eye... a tiny shadow of a second line. Now if you're a serious TTC'er (Trying To Conceive) then you know that false positives are pretty much non existent. If you're not pregnant, then you don't have the hormone required to produce the second line. SO, a shadow meant....A SHADOW MEANT I WAS PREGNANT!!!!
 But of course I thought I was imagining it. After a year of staring at negative tests, I was sure I was seeing things. So I ran over to my neighbor Christyn's house crying. Her poor husband answered the door and said she was in the shower and asked if I was alright. Um...NO I MIGHT BE PREGNANT! I said yes, but to have her get in touch with me ASAP! (Sorry Jim!)

So I drove to work with my hand on my tummy the whole way sobbing. I was praying aloud, "Baby, if you're in there, I love you so much and I can't believe you're finally here. You stay put and grow strong. Please please PLEASE be in there!"

Luckily I work with my Mom. I was still crying when I came in and begged her to tell me she saw the line too. My Mom always told me, "When you miss your period for 3 months in a row you'll know you're pregnant." She thought I was crazy for all the pregnancy tests. So although she agreed she saw a very very faint line, she didn't quite believe it the way I did.

So I immediately left and went to Kaiser to have a blood test. Since the results wouldn't be ready until the next day, I took a digital test on my lunch break. After the longest minute of my life, the most beautiful word in the world popped up...YES! 

 I was finally pregnant!

 We found out 3 days before our 1 year wedding anniversary. Almost a full year of trying to conceive. It was a Wednesday. On Friday the results of Andrew's semen analysis came in....normal. :)   

Now that beautiful faint line is a the sweetest, energetic, beautiful, amazing 15 month old little boy. 
  You were SO worth the wait sweet boy. I love you so much!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Weight Loss - Week 12

Start Date:  Jan. 5, 2012
Starting Weight: 198

Today's Date: Mar. 29, 2012
Current Weight: ???

Week 11: ???
Total Loss: 9.5
As hard as it was this morning not to weigh in, I stuck to what I said last week
and skipped it. I am the type of person who can easily get discouraged and give up when I feel like I'm putting in work and not seeing the results I want. So in order to avoid that, I decided to stop weighing in. I'm not sure for how long yet. 

A few people have encouraged me to take my measurements. It's another way to see my hard work pay off when it's not necessarily showing on the scale. Although I haven't done so yet, I plan to over the next week.

Sharing my actual starting weight was very hard but I'm still glad I did. However, I don't think I will share all my measurements. But I will share how much they change.

This week wasn't great for me at the gym. I wasn't able to go at all. At the beginning of the week Connor was sick with a fever and the last few days we have had appointments in the morning every morning and by the time we're done, it's Connor's nap time. I suppose I could have gone at 8pm after he went to bed but who am I kidding? I'm too tired to work out at the end of the day. That's the whole reason I pay extra for an expensive gym that has childcare. :)

Even though I wasn't able to work out, there were still some great things about this week. First, as I've mentioned a bunch of times, drinking water is very hard for me. A friend of mine said I'd probably be more successful drinking water if I stop buying other drinks at the grocery store. Why didn't I think of that!? DUH! Thanks Erin! :)
So because I didn't buy any Diet Peach Snapple or Diet Soda...
I DRANK A TON OF WATER! It wasn't as hard to do when water is your only choice. So for the first week since starting this journey I can say I drank water this week! Yay!!!!!
I'm not a huge fan of cooking dinner. By the time Andrew gets home from work and we decide what we want for dinner, it's either too late to make it, I don't have all the ingredients or I forgot to defrost the meat. So this week I set a menu. It made cooking dinners SO much easier! I didn't even mind making dinner because I knew I had everything and there weren't any decisions to make. And on top of that, we started eating dinner much earlier. We ate between 5 - 5:30 every night instead of 6:30 - 7. AND it solved my lunch time dilemma. I was getting SO sick of turkey sandwiches! Now I just eat left overs. YUM! 

So even though I was not able to make it to the gym, I was still committed to making healthy choices. And to be honest, a break from the scale and the gym was nice. Took some of the pressure off. I look forward to going back to the gym on Monday though.  

A huge thank you goes out to all my family, friends and readers. After a very disappointing week last week, all of your encouraging comments on my blog and facebook meant so much to me. It made me feel so much better. You guys helped keep me going. xoxo


Thursday, March 22, 2012

Weight Loss - Week 11

Today was not what I expected when I stepped on the scale. 

Start Date:  Jan. 5, 2012
Starting Weight: 198

Today's Date: Mar. 22, 2012
Current Weight: 188.5

Week 10: gained 2.2 lbs
Total Loss: 9.5 (down from 11.7)
I don't know what to say. I am so disappointed, I feel discouraged and like I want give up and just accept that I'm always going to be overweight. There were times I may not have chosen the best things to eat but I didn't think it was bad enough to gain weight. I still worked out at the gym on my normal days, and on one of those days I drank 4 bottles of water. And we all know how hard it is for me to drink water. 
It's been 11 weeks now and I've been trying to stay positive and not get discouraged despite what the scale says. Today I'm not able to do that. I really want to pout, eat a bunch of candy and watch chick flicks and feel sorry for myself. But I'm not going to do that, I definitely can't lie though, this is crushing after working so hard for 11 weeks!!! 
I'm not going to give up. I'm going to continue going to the gym, I'm going to try and make the best food choices I can and more importantly...
I'm putting the scale away for awhile. Although it's great to see a loss, it's very discouraging for me when that loss is not as much as I think it should be or even worse, when it's a gain.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Don't Give Up On Me

Lately my posts have pretty much only consisted of my Wordless Wednesday's and my weight loss check-in for that week. 

Between going to the gym 3 times a week, play dates, errands, housework and having a 15 month old, I just can't seem to find the time to blog. Okay, let me be honest...I can squeeze time in here and there but in those moments, I much rather take a shower, catch up on some trashy TV, read a book, or SLEEP. 

So here I am, begging asking you not to give up on this blog. Not yet. I have a ton of things that I just haven't had a chance to write about yet.

Thanks for sticking with me. 

3/14/12 Happy 15 months sweet boy!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Weight Loss - Week 10

Start Date:  Jan. 5, 2012
Starting Weight: 198

Today's Date: Mar. 15, 2012
Current Weight: 186.3

Week 10: 0
Total Loss: 11.7

I'm not surprised that I didn't lose any weight this week. It wasn't for a lack of trying, I just expected it because I had such great losses the last 2 weeks

I went to the gym on my normal days (Friday, Monday and Wednesday). Working out has definitely become something I enjoy, I never thought I would be able to say that! I can feel my body changing and getting stronger. It's such a great feeling and super motivating. 

I still struggle with drinking water everyday. I's ridiculous. I have no idea why this is such a hard thing for me. Anyone else struggle and have some tips?????