Dear Coffee Table,
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. You've been so good to me. Always there when I need to rest my tired feet, helping me organize and fold the laundry, and the countless games we've played on you.
However you are too big a threat to my sweet boy. You see...he recently learned how to climb onto the couch but hasn't yet learned how to get down. Today he fell off the couch and was this close to cracking his head open on your corner. I know it wasn't your fault and you didn't mean it.
I promise we'll meet again one day and I will again treat you to things like Clorox Wipes and Pledge. But for now your new home will be the storage closet in the backyard with all the other dangerous household items. Don't worry, I'll make sure Andrew makes a nice spot for you so you don't get damaged.
I'll miss you.