Friday, March 30, 2012

Our Journey TTC

Has it really been 15 months since my life changed forever?
 15 months ago we were blessed with the most a.m.a.z.i.n.g little boy. 
Last night Andrew looked at me and said, "I know everyone says it but...what DID we do before we had Connor?" and I said I had absolutely no idea.
 I've wanted to be a mother since I was 4 years old. I was the type of little girl who preferred to play "house" with my Mom's old dresses and a ton of baby dolls. I couldn't wait to have a family of my own someday. My Mom said the conversation went something like this..."This'll be the deal Mom, you HAVE the baby, but once it's born it will be MY baby and I will take care of it." 

Andrew and I started dating in high school (11 years ago!). We flirted with the idea of having a baby before we were even married. I really really wanted a baby. But in the long run we realized that is not what we wanted for our child. We wanted to be married first, a family. 

So the time came...our wedding night. Literally. I waited 8 years to marry Andrew, I wasn't waiting 1 more stinking minute to have a baby. 

So, we tried. 

And tried. 

And tried. 

And nothing happened. 

Months passed with negative pregnancy test after negative test. I was starting to fear what I think every woman fears when trying to get pregnant, "What if I CAN'T get pregnant?!"  

After almost a year of nothing, we signed up for Kaiser's "Introduction to Infertility Class". D.E.P.R.E.S.S.I.N.G. But at that point I just wanted answers.  Why aren't we pregnant yet? Can we get pregnant? Are we doing something wrong? Is it him or me?

To say we were nervous for that class is an understatement. The class was a guide to what Kaiser offers, what your insurance covers, and what steps you need take in order to start the process of elimination. 

The first step was to have a semen analysis done (all the men groaned) and then I had to have blood drawn periodically throughout my next cycle to check hormone levels. While we were doing that, we had to chart, which entails the woman taking her temperature every morning before getting out of bed, when the temperature spikes, it means she ovulated.

A friend had sent me a book (Taking Charge of Your Fertility) all about charting a few months before we attended the class so I was already on my 3rd month of charting. 

So Andrew did his semen analysis, although he made ME drive it to Kaiser and drop it off at the lab. I guess dropping something like that off falls in the same category as buying tampons? MEN! Then we waited for the results. I was half hoping that they said the problem was his sperm because that meant it wasn't me. But on the other hand I was PRAYING that it was normal. 
  
As we waited, I was at the end of one of my cycles, which meant it was time to test. So I took a test, 3 days before my period was even due. Yes, I was one of those woman obsessed with peeing on pregnancy tests! I set the test on the counter not expecting much and started getting ready for work. As I was brushing my teeth, I saw it out of the corner of my eye... a tiny shadow of a second line. Now if you're a serious TTC'er (Trying To Conceive) then you know that false positives are pretty much non existent. If you're not pregnant, then you don't have the hormone required to produce the second line. SO, a shadow meant....A SHADOW MEANT I WAS PREGNANT!!!!
 But of course I thought I was imagining it. After a year of staring at negative tests, I was sure I was seeing things. So I ran over to my neighbor Christyn's house crying. Her poor husband answered the door and said she was in the shower and asked if I was alright. Um...NO I MIGHT BE PREGNANT! I said yes, but to have her get in touch with me ASAP! (Sorry Jim!)

So I drove to work with my hand on my tummy the whole way sobbing. I was praying aloud, "Baby, if you're in there, I love you so much and I can't believe you're finally here. You stay put and grow strong. Please please PLEASE be in there!"

Luckily I work with my Mom. I was still crying when I came in and begged her to tell me she saw the line too. My Mom always told me, "When you miss your period for 3 months in a row you'll know you're pregnant." She thought I was crazy for all the pregnancy tests. So although she agreed she saw a very very faint line, she didn't quite believe it the way I did.

So I immediately left and went to Kaiser to have a blood test. Since the results wouldn't be ready until the next day, I took a digital test on my lunch break. After the longest minute of my life, the most beautiful word in the world popped up...YES! 

 I was finally pregnant!

 We found out 3 days before our 1 year wedding anniversary. Almost a full year of trying to conceive. It was a Wednesday. On Friday the results of Andrew's semen analysis came in....normal. :)   

Now that beautiful faint line is a the sweetest, energetic, beautiful, amazing 15 month old little boy. 
  You were SO worth the wait sweet boy. I love you so much!
XOXO

8 comments:

Alli from Life on LeRoy said...

Oh this brought tears to my eyes! Thanks for being so open about your story! That last picture is adorable!! Have a great weekend!!

trish said...

Aw, you totally made me cry! What a fabulous story!

*Erin* said...

That was beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes and gave me the chills!! I remember you telling me before you announced it to everyone and I cried with joy for you. You're such a great mommy!!

Christyn said...

I remember that day and you totally shaking at my door/gate!! Forgot that Jim saw you first..lol. I remember it being close to your anniversary too!!

I agree that I don't recall what we did before MJ came around!!

Danielle said...

Yep, you just made me cry! I love this!

Meghan said...

Ugh you got me all teary eyed and nearly ruined my makeup! ;) talk about a happy ending

Bridget said...

I will NEVER forget that morning. You came to work in your pajama bottoms, showing a pee stick in my face, saying 'do you see it? do you see it?' but your hand was shaking so bad I had to hold it still to see. Then you sat there with a pee stick sitting on your desk all day. That wasn't enough, I think you took a pregnancy test every 30 minutes for the next 30 days. What a wonderful memory, I am so very pleased I got to share every part of it, right up to watching that amazing child come into this world. And, yes I am sobbing as I type this. I love you my Sunshine Girl. More than you will ever know. Keep writing, I love reading it. xoxo Mama

5ohWifey said...

You made me cry Steph. Your little prayers you said for him are beautiful. So happy he's here!!