Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My Journey To Lose The Flab - Weight Watchers Style

So I've decided to get serious about losing weight once and for all. I've chosen Weight Watchers as my method of attack. I signed up last Thursday and today is Day 5 on the program and it's going great so far!

Since my meetings (aka weigh-in days) are every Thursday night, I'll write every Friday and let you guys know how I did with my points, along with any exercise I did and of course whether I lost any weight! I better freaking lose some weight! 

So I guess the first step is to share with you my starting weight. I've been contemplating for a week now if I was going to say my actual weight. 

Part of me thinks...NO WAY! Stephanie, are you insane?!

For example, people I attended high school with might see this blog. Wow, that sounds so vain and lame when I actually say (write?) it out loud, but it's the truth. I am ashamed of how I look. I was never overweight growing up or even in my teenage years. In fact, I was pretty small in high school. Even though I ate like crap and never worked out. I was in a size 3/5 jeans and weighed approximately 130-140 pounds. 

Then the other part of me thinks, GO FOR IT GIRL! 

I have a couple close friends who also struggle with weight issues and I'm always telling them, It's just a number! It does NOT define you. And I 1,000% mean that. But it's harder to tell myself that.

So...

Which is it? Am I ashamed of my weight or do I truly believe it's just a number that doesn't define me? 

Well after a ton of contemplating I've decided....

IT'S JUST A NUMBER! 

With that said...it's still hard to admit. But I feel like by sharing it with you, (my amazing friends, family, and followers) it's freeing me from the shame. Shame that I (we) should not feel. Shame that our society has made me (us) feel. 

So here goes nothing...

198.

Wow. I'm not gonna lie, that was hard. And even as I write this I'm scared. Scared to be judged, or looked at as fat and lazy. Once I post this, it's out there and there's no way to take it back.

But even though I'm scared, I look at my son and think, I never want him to be ashamed of how he looks. I love him unconditionally and his looks or weight do not define his character. Shouldn't I love myself the same? Well today I'm gonna try. I'm going to try to look at myself in the mirror without the eye roll, without the stream of insults in my mind, and stop calling myself fat. And you know what? Whether I lose weight or not, I'm still me. 

Now as far as my before picture, I'll save that until I reach my goal weight and can post my after picture right next to it. Hey...I am a woman after all and I think admitting my true weight is enough for one day. ;)

7 comments:

trish said...

You're very inspiring, Stephanie! And you're right, weight doesn't define you, but there's a feeling that you get when you look fabulous and you're in shape that can't be replicated. I'm excited to follow your journey!

Danielle said...

I'm so proud of you! This post is so inspiring! You're doing great, and I can't wait to hear how you did on Thursday! I'm still sticking to my guess of 3.4 pounds! Love you!!! :o)

Tammy said...

I would like you to know I weigh more than that. I have in the past use Weight Watchers. The amazing thing about it is that you seem more full then ever before. Then you go to step on the scale and WOW you have dropped some major pounds. Keep up the hard work. With hard work comes a rocking body!

KorinaB said...

Your attitude about this whole thing is what is going to get you where you aspire to be, and putting this out there only gathers your cheerleaders around you :D you're my hero woman!

Trish Shurtz said...

When Neil was 8, I lost his total weight in pounds (80!), and yes, I was way over 200 lbs. at the time. One pound a week, took a year and a half. I can't say every one of those pounds is still gone, but many, many of them are, and I know you will be smart and patient and get to your goal too! Keep writing about it, you will be kept accountable by your readers , you will get support and encouragement, and of course, inspire others!

5ohWifey said...

What an inspiration you are! You are very brave to put this out there for us all to see. So many people can relate to this. I gained 50lbs with 5ohBaby and still haven't lost it all yet. Thank you for putting yourself out there

Bridget said...

You are beautiful just the way you are! (biased perhaps, but seriously?


I couldn't be more proud of you!

You never let anything stand in your way. You will win this!

It's great to use your experience to help inspire others!

PROUD, to be your Mama!!!!!
xoxo